7 Tech Mistakes You Should Avoid (Unless You Want Others to Hate You)
Go to work, dress appropriately, pay your bills on time, don’t forget to contact your relatives every now and again, be nice to your coworkers… Adulting isn’t easy, not with all the rules and norms you have to obey if you want to be taken seriously. At least the tech and software world is easier, right? You can mess around and do whatever, right?
Not exactly. There are some things that you just don’t do! Well, you could do them, if you’re okay with getting that hateful "you tech illiterate dumbass" look. But trust me, you don’t want to get that look! To help you avoid it, I’ve put together a handy cheat sheet of tech rules you should know about. Check it out below.
1. Never swipe when someone shows you a picture
Look, if I’m going to show you a picture on my phone, I want you to look at that picture and only that picture. You don’t know what else I have on my phone and trust me, you don’t want to know. So when I give you my phone to look at a picture, don’t swipe. Enjoy the picture, comment on it if you have to, and return my phone.
And speaking about pictures that will be burned into your retina forever…
2. Don’t share private information with anyone
Sending someone a dick pic is a jerk move, especially if it’s an unsolicited dick pic. But let’s say that you’re in a relationship and it’s cool, she actually asked you to do it. Do you know where that image might end up? And are you sure that when the relationship ends, that it won’t be used against you?
According to security company McAfee, 1 in 10 people have been threatened by their ex that they would post risqué images of them online. I’m sure that you don’t want photos of your junk floating around the internet. So stay classy, and keep your private bits to yourself.
This applies to risqué photos and other sensitive information, like passwords. And speaking about passwords…
3. Pick a strong password (and don’t recycle it)
For the past six years, SplashData has been publishing annual reports that present the year’s worst passwords. The latest report, the one that presents the worst passwords of 2016, says that the top 2 worst passwords of the year were 123456 and password. Just like in 2015. And 2014. And 2013. And 2012. And 2011.
Since SplashData started publishing its annual report, the top 2 worst passwords of the year have always been the same. So if you’re not going to use two-factor authentication or biometric authentication, you’d best pick a strong password that won’t break in seconds. And once you’ve picked a strong password, don’t reuse it for every one of your accounts. That’s how Mark Zuckerberg got hacked and even if you’re not a big shot like him, you really don’t want hackers rummaging through your accounts.
Even Betty White knows better than to pick an easily guessable password and she’s almost a hundred. I’m not even kidding.
4. You’re positive that there’s no such thing as Mac malware
The late 2000s really did a number on you and Apple’s 'Get a Mac' campaign is stuck in your head forever. You’re a thousand percent sure that Macs are impervious to viruses and other types of malware. After all, why would Apple lie about something like this? It’s not like Apple wants to rip you off. Macs are inherently safe and all the security companies that say otherwise are just a bunch of liars trying to sell you their useless products.
Perhaps you shouldn’t bother with something as complicated as security – or "the cyber" as Donald Trump says. Why don’t you stick with something that’s easier to understand? Like figuring out what a browser is.
5. You lie to the friend fixing your computer
I firmly and deeply believe that offering tech support to friends and family is a bad idea – a very bad idea. So if I’m here trying to fix your rust bucket, then it means you wore me down and I only accepted to give you a hand just to shut you up.
I don’t care about your huge collection of porn, I just want to fix your PC and get out of there. So don’t feed me lies like "I’ve no idea how that got there" or “no, I never visit websites like that." If you stop lying, I might recommend some better websites. But no, you have to lie and annoy me even more than I already am.
6. You know a "secret hack" to bring back the headphone jack
Out of all the iPhone hoaxes that I’ve seen, my favorite has to be the "secret hack to get headphone jack on the iPhone 7." According to this hoax, Apple didn’t remove the headphone jack and it’s still there. You just have to drill a hole in just the right spot and presto, your old headphones aren’t obsolete anymore.
Apparently, you’re not familiar with the concept of trolling. What are trolls you ask? Trolls are very nice people who like to help others. I’m not lying, honestly!
7. You berate Android while praising Apple’s "most advanced" iPhone
I know what I want from a smartphone and I’m going to make damn sure that I get something that best suits my needs. Maybe I’m going to get a cheap Android, maybe I’m going to get some expensive flagship like the Galaxy S8, and maybe’ I’m going to get an iPhone. I wouldn’t put too much stock in the last one but hey, you never know.
The bottom line is that I know what I want and I don’t need you trying to convince me otherwise. Your talking trash about Android isn’t going to persuade me. It's just annoying.
And if I’m going to hear you say the same buzzwords that Apple always uses to describe its products, I’m going to lose it. Why do you care so much about my phone? I’m going to get the new Nokia 3310 just to see how much that pisses you off.
Not exactly. There are some things that you just don’t do! Well, you could do them, if you’re okay with getting that hateful "you tech illiterate dumbass" look. But trust me, you don’t want to get that look! To help you avoid it, I’ve put together a handy cheat sheet of tech rules you should know about. Check it out below.
1. Never swipe when someone shows you a picture
Look, if I’m going to show you a picture on my phone, I want you to look at that picture and only that picture. You don’t know what else I have on my phone and trust me, you don’t want to know. So when I give you my phone to look at a picture, don’t swipe. Enjoy the picture, comment on it if you have to, and return my phone.
And speaking about pictures that will be burned into your retina forever…
2. Don’t share private information with anyone
Sending someone a dick pic is a jerk move, especially if it’s an unsolicited dick pic. But let’s say that you’re in a relationship and it’s cool, she actually asked you to do it. Do you know where that image might end up? And are you sure that when the relationship ends, that it won’t be used against you?
According to security company McAfee, 1 in 10 people have been threatened by their ex that they would post risqué images of them online. I’m sure that you don’t want photos of your junk floating around the internet. So stay classy, and keep your private bits to yourself.
This applies to risqué photos and other sensitive information, like passwords. And speaking about passwords…
3. Pick a strong password (and don’t recycle it)
For the past six years, SplashData has been publishing annual reports that present the year’s worst passwords. The latest report, the one that presents the worst passwords of 2016, says that the top 2 worst passwords of the year were 123456 and password. Just like in 2015. And 2014. And 2013. And 2012. And 2011.
Since SplashData started publishing its annual report, the top 2 worst passwords of the year have always been the same. So if you’re not going to use two-factor authentication or biometric authentication, you’d best pick a strong password that won’t break in seconds. And once you’ve picked a strong password, don’t reuse it for every one of your accounts. That’s how Mark Zuckerberg got hacked and even if you’re not a big shot like him, you really don’t want hackers rummaging through your accounts.
Even Betty White knows better than to pick an easily guessable password and she’s almost a hundred. I’m not even kidding.
4. You’re positive that there’s no such thing as Mac malware
The late 2000s really did a number on you and Apple’s 'Get a Mac' campaign is stuck in your head forever. You’re a thousand percent sure that Macs are impervious to viruses and other types of malware. After all, why would Apple lie about something like this? It’s not like Apple wants to rip you off. Macs are inherently safe and all the security companies that say otherwise are just a bunch of liars trying to sell you their useless products.
Perhaps you shouldn’t bother with something as complicated as security – or "the cyber" as Donald Trump says. Why don’t you stick with something that’s easier to understand? Like figuring out what a browser is.
5. You lie to the friend fixing your computer
I firmly and deeply believe that offering tech support to friends and family is a bad idea – a very bad idea. So if I’m here trying to fix your rust bucket, then it means you wore me down and I only accepted to give you a hand just to shut you up.
I don’t care about your huge collection of porn, I just want to fix your PC and get out of there. So don’t feed me lies like "I’ve no idea how that got there" or “no, I never visit websites like that." If you stop lying, I might recommend some better websites. But no, you have to lie and annoy me even more than I already am.
6. You know a "secret hack" to bring back the headphone jack
Out of all the iPhone hoaxes that I’ve seen, my favorite has to be the "secret hack to get headphone jack on the iPhone 7." According to this hoax, Apple didn’t remove the headphone jack and it’s still there. You just have to drill a hole in just the right spot and presto, your old headphones aren’t obsolete anymore.
Apparently, you’re not familiar with the concept of trolling. What are trolls you ask? Trolls are very nice people who like to help others. I’m not lying, honestly!
7. You berate Android while praising Apple’s "most advanced" iPhone
I know what I want from a smartphone and I’m going to make damn sure that I get something that best suits my needs. Maybe I’m going to get a cheap Android, maybe I’m going to get some expensive flagship like the Galaxy S8, and maybe’ I’m going to get an iPhone. I wouldn’t put too much stock in the last one but hey, you never know.
The bottom line is that I know what I want and I don’t need you trying to convince me otherwise. Your talking trash about Android isn’t going to persuade me. It's just annoying.
And if I’m going to hear you say the same buzzwords that Apple always uses to describe its products, I’m going to lose it. Why do you care so much about my phone? I’m going to get the new Nokia 3310 just to see how much that pisses you off.
